identity crisis

Identity crises have multiple causes that are most often found in the child, through certain life circumstances. The consequences for the individual can be disastrous and often dramatic.

Consider here the story of Billy, an American to illustrate this phenomenon


” I had NOTHING, I was NOTHING, I was dead inside ” Billy wanted to die and couldn’t find any reason to live

His inner emptiness (a symbol of his identity crisis) began when he was 5 years old when his father abandoned the family home

Billy spent some years of his childhood in juvenile prisons after repeated runaways

He suffered numerous rapes as a child from the teenage leaders who were supposed to be there to protect him

All these traumas accentuated his inner emptiness and as a teenager he lived on the streets and began to prostitute himself.

Billy became a male escort and an actor in pornographic films

To overcome this, I started using cocaine in very high doses “

Cocaine soon wasn’t enough and he switched to crack cocaine

Billy spent hours in his closet, smoking crack cocaine and abusing his heart.

Billy lived in his closet for 10 years!!!!!!!!!!

He only came out long enough to sell his body in order to buy more crack cocaine.

 But before he pulled the trigger, he saw something that stopped him dead.


“ I was completely lost, no identity at all! I was desperately searching for my  IDENTITY ”

” I felt GUILTY that my father had abandoned the household “

” I went completely into survival mode, I was all alone, isolated, abandoned, and desperately looking for something to fill the big black hole inside “

” All my attempts were doomed to failure, nothing, absolutely nothing could fill this void”

“I really felt like a nobody, my self-esteem was close to zero, I had hit rock bottom, The only value I gave myself was that of a human toy to fulfill anyone’s fantasies wanted it “

“ Pornography is nothing like it seems. It just digs a huge hole inside your soul.

” The first time I used crack cocaine I surprisingly felt like the engine of a very high-speed train, but the next few times I shortly felt like a car, then the sensations lessened as I went. I still needed a stronger drug now to get the feel of a motor back. But it never came back ”

“ I made multiple cuts all over the place, I inserted pins and needles into the nerves of my teeth, I did crazy things just to find strong sensations. Even the pain that I felt inflicting on myself was better than feeling nothing.

I became more and more insensitive, I no longer felt the life”

 ” That’s where I was going to die. I was determined to smoke as much crack cocaine as possible, and drink as much alcohol as possible until I died. But all of that couldn’t kill me. So I decided to put a gun in my mouth, pull the trigger and end it once and for all.”

” It had been a long time since I had been able to look at myself in a mirror, I felt so much guilt and shame. But then, at the time, I cast a furtive glance at myself and I did not couldn’t even make out my eyes and it gave me a BIG SHOCK.” 


In summary, Billy’s identity crises began when his parents separated when he was 5 years old. This resulted in a sense of guilt that is often found in children of divorced parents. A tragic cycle ensued and could have ended in suicide.

The symptoms found in Billy: rejection, lack of self-esteem, isolation, loneliness, self-destruction

Small causes (at least in appearance), big consequences.